SCANDALOUS SATURDAYS

                                    "All We Do Is Party.. 

                                                                                And BullShiT "

                                                                        -Biggie Smalls

It's not everyday that you get to clear your schedule; making some much needed time to do it up with your team. Lets be real all the hustle and bustle ladies, of getting your hair done, nails done, everything did. While the dudes pull out their Louboutin kicks, fill those Nudie jeans with stacks, having all the necessary swagg to match.  We can understand when that most anticipated party or even just a night out at the club comes around when you feel that urgency to be the most hated on even if it's just for one night!!  However Ladies & Gents, what some people are failing to realize is that you may be facing some harsh truths. There are a few who define the key elements of being www.ratched.com; instead of being on 10 you've become a evident -5!!! So we had to be the truthful voice of reason, and address the  jester qualities some of you characters have inherited.

First and foremost!!! Do not allow anyone in your team to step foot outside of their house; without doing a proper clothing or makeup check. This includes their rundown shoes, or the retro comeback of the silk shirt. Even more important than attire is HYGIENE!! Do not have the audacity to wear a Bebe dress smelling like Bath and Body mixed with a lil Nani juice. Fellas keep those pitts fresh; we do not have the desire to smell Burberry Brit underlayed with musk. Indeed we encourage you to brush, floss, and Listerine as well. Who wants the stench of bad breath? Not I.. and neither do you!! If a oral hygiene situation should occur; please buffer it out with a tic tac or other breath refreshner. I'm just saying my brows shouldn't run off my face when you say " Hello"!

Do not assume that just because you have been friends for ten yrs or more, that you are covered by friends financially. If you don't have a sponsor there is no way in hell that your friends should cover your expense on a constant basis. If this is you.. then get to the club at free before hours. And fellas if you want to create the facade that you are "Da Bawwwwse" (cynical Rozay voice)* meet your team inside; after you've showed up at reduced hours.

SWAGG ON A HUNDRED.. THOUSAND.. TRILLION???

Everybody is in the club talking about SWAGG; yet most lack it. How can you tell this is you?Yes, you may have the car and the ensemble but to have SWAGG it's all in the presentation of charisma. If you need to invade my circle of space obviously your trying way to hard. Lay back and play the scene allowing us to want to attract your attention. Meaning do not.. I repeat do not put your hands on and try to pull us to you!! The reaction of course will lead to embarrassment. This is for my ladies as well, who try and walk up on a man and dance. Don't be embarrassed when he gives a blank stare while proceeding to dodge you in the crowd. Please do not believe you are a rapper.. There is nothing more annoying than a man or woman for that matter; singing or reciting lyrics as a pick up line. I don't want to be in the middle of swaying my hips, just to have some random dude recite "Up" by Loverance. Just like dudes can deal without us singing "Birthday Cake" by Rihanna in their ear. Have a lil restraint.. I mean damn we just met.

IF YOU LOOK LIKE A LADY; ACT AS SUCH!!!

Now you know we had to address this right? As women we all know going to the club is like playing dress up. You can be whomever you want to be for that night; cause nobody will remember in the  morning. That is until they check the party pictures from the night before. So while you thought you were Naomi fierce and a force to reckon with, the local  photogs  captured you looking like what?... A hotmess.net ! From grinding on some random man with your whole birth canal showing. To videos of being turned on and turned out via Twittvid or WSHH. Even the ever so popular twerk contest, but mostly the girls with ambition to be a pole-fessional. You know your drink limit has surpassed when you climb on the pole; swearing your better than a girl who's worked at" Perfections" or "Club Eleven". To our beautiful women readers just because Chris Brown, says " I just wanna see you strip" doesn't mean you should do so!! And doing the girl on girl kissing does not make you desirable; or about that life. Keep i mind the perception you are giving to the male prospects. If you are playing the lead role of hoe #1, they will treat you as such. Even though it dose not give them the right to.

Gentlemen.. Gentlemen, Take the hint when it's given!! Please do not be the annoying, swaggaless joint.  We're sure you've seen a couple of your boys  play this role. Constantly trying to talk to this one female all night, or grind on her.. hell even grab her arm as she's passed to use the restroom. The thirst can be tragic!! However why should you look dehydrated?? Respectfully accept being rejected; we know she's hurt your pride but have a bit a maturity and step away!!

Show us your the man, if you offer to buy your home girl a drink, don't come back with a bottled water!! There is no clearer way to show your being tight on the wallet or money clip. And there is nothing more annoying than the next dude who I've  personally encountered.. Don't be the guy who sees a bunch of girls at the table, and make your way over once you see we're popping bottles. Then proceed to try and poor yourself a drink ;or sit at our reserved section. Seriously, if i didn't invite you to our table stay out of our circumference. ( In my Big Sean voice) " Hold Up..hold up.. Whoa dere!!" You ain't put a penny.. nickel.. or Benjamin in!! What the hell do you think this is Mr.??Have enough class to come introduce yourself and offer to buy the next bottle, because my girls would do the same. No you can't share my Hooka.. get your own my G!! Pay the cost to be the bawse.

If you are popping bottles.. hand claps for you!! ( Notice I said bottles and not bottle right?) However don't feel your Juelz Santana, or Freeky Zeeky, splashing females with liquor or throwing singles when you see her "drop it low"!! There is nothing more degrading to a female. It turns you from fly to douche bag in 2.5 of a second. 

                                                    

Hold your liquor accordingly, otherwise you will have that one female who will od and violate by pulling ya pants down, or putting things close to your face you wouldn't deem kosher.

Lastly.. What ever has transpired in the club leave at the club, yes we may have been vibin' all night but keep in mind that does not mean it's mandatory for us to go home with you. Even after the breakfast invite. And I don't mean that lame line most men use of " I'm hungry.. are you gonna let me starve" By saying this your giving implication of how much vag lapping you've been involved in. We're talking Cafeteria or Good Stuff. You know the local after club spots, if we exchange numbers we exchange numbers. If we do decide to do the walk of shame later that's up to us; leave it at that!!

Ladies if you do have grown up tendencies at the end of the night, pulling a dip-set at your own risk. Make sure your girls know what he looks like and his license number, plate, as well as full name and date of birth. we want to you have fun but to stay cautious, conscience while doing so.