A PLATE OF THIS A CUP OF THAT: Thoughts for Thursday

Domestic violence is America's hidden war. And the battleground is in all our homes.

~ Michelle Bussolotti

On Thursdays We Wear Puple

On August 4, 2011, Maurice Barner,41, attacked his girlfriend Deanna Bazemore, 46, in the apartment they shared on Fulton Avenue, Brooklyn New York. Barner allegedly hit her in the back of her head with a hammer and stabbed her eight times, five times in the chest. He then locked the door as she attempted to crawl to safety. Bazemore died of multiple stab wounds to the torso at Lincoln Hospital where she was employed and had recently received a promotion. Barner was arrested hours later and charged with second degree murder. Barner has has eleven domestic violence charges filed against him, two being from Deanna. The family of Deanna Bazemore along with Bronx Assemblyman Eric Stevenson are working vigorously to pass the Deanna Bazemore law (link listed below) that will fight against domestic violence and require harsher punishments for repeat offenders.

Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called Domestic Violence. Domestic abuse or spousal abuse for another name, happens when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic violence or abuse is used to gain control over another and to maintain that control. Tools used by an abuser maybe fear, shame, intimidation and/or guilt to bring their patner down and keep them there. This could be physically, emotionally or mentally not jus limited to the partner but the ones that are dear to them. It is said women are to be cherished and held gently. We speak of them as “frail flowers of life” and are not to be abused. “Never hit a girl” is what boys are taught from the time they are old enough to listen. And rightfully so. Violence should never be tolerated. Domestic violence and abuse to does not happen to just a particular peson however. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships.Though women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well.

Domestic abuse usually starts with threats and verbal abuse and later esculates to violence. Physical injury may be the most obvious danger, but the emotional and psychological affects of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy a persons confidence, leading to anxiety and/or depression making one feel helpless and alone. No one should have to go through this kind of pain and the first step to breaking free is recognizing that the situation is abusive. Once one can acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then they can get the help they need to get out.

There are ways to tell if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship. If they seem afraid of thier partner or avoid certain conversation because they are afraid of upsetting them. If they have excuses for every altercations and/or believe it was thier fault. If they seem numb emotionally or helpless is another way of telling they are in an abusive relationship. Emotional abuse is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimized or overlooked—even by the person being abused. The scars left behind by such abuse run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so.

Power and Control Wheel

Then there is the role of the abuser. His or her behavior includes belittling thier partner such as yelling, critizing, or embrassing them. They have controlling ways like constantly checking on them, always need to know thier where abouts, not let them see family and/or friends as well as limiting the money, car and phone. Controlling abusers ae also very jealous and posessive of thier partner. Then there is the threats and physical aspects of the abuser. Thier temper is very unpredictable so you never know what mood thier are going to be in. They will threating the loved one with bodly harm or dealth. Commiting suicide if you leave them is another threat used to make one feel guilty and like they need to stay. After threats comes destroying property like cloths and meaningful items followed by the physical abuse which is considered the domestic violence. In any situation in which a person is forced to act in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is considered sexual abuse. Forced sex, even if it is by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Not to mention, people whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed. Physical assault or battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside of the family. The police have the power as well as the authority to protect anyone from a physical attack.

There is another ribbon for awareness of a cause this month besides pink. Alot of people don't know that October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month and that the color of the ribbon is purple. The purpose of Domestic Violence Awareness Month is to make the community aware that domestic violence exists and that help is available for victims.

Nine major Times Square billboards, including ABC Supersign, American Eagle, Bank of America, Clear Channel Spectacolor, Disney, TSQ Digital, Nasdaq, Thomson Reuters and Walgreens were simultaneously lit up in purple to shine a light on an issue that impacts nearly one in four women in America. Also in Manhattan, the Con Edison Clock Tower turned purple and will shine as a beacon of domestic violence awareness through October 18^th.